we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
