I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
