You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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