I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
