We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
