is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
