why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
