god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
