I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
