Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
