as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
