Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
