Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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