Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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