getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
