I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
