and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
