:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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