they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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