life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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