Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
