He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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