omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
