You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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