you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Im part way to drunk.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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