i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
