How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just pee around me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
