I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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