Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
