It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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