be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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