ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
