dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
