I wish life had little blips of pornography
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
