Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
