I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
