So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
