She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
