You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
