hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
