You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
