I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I faked an abortion last night.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
