sarcasm needs its own font
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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