ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
