I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
