i permit you to call me
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
