Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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