do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Randomize
