the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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