maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
